Why Alcohol Was Invented

The whole reason alcohol was invented was so people could tolerate talking to one another.  When you're a kid any interaction with another kid can be engaging.  I taught third grade and I'd often be in the middle of teaching and have to stop because the kids were talking so much.  I'd pause and ask them, "What are you talking about?  How could you possibly have this much to say?  You have no life experiences.  What is everybody discussing?"  They had no answers and kept on talking.  I've got a theory, though.  But, then again, I've got many theories.  Here is one.

Being that young is in itself an intoxicant.  That's why adulthood is so hard to adjust to - we're coming down from the high of childhood.  When you're a kid, you have friends over and always find something fun to do.  When you're an adult, you start to have company over and you chat.  It's really boring until the drinks start flowing.  You go from the monotonous back and forth of:  How have you been?  What's new with you guys?  And how's work? - to telling stories, recalling memories (of when you were much younger) and even accepting sexual innuendos.  Here's how it all started:

A boy was friends with another boy in kindergarten.  What were they talking about?  The answer is nothing, but to them it was everything.  A day passed for these kids and so much happened that they ran up to each other in school to say, "You wouldn't believe what happened!"  Nothing really happened.

Months and years can go by for adults and when they see friends, both sides say, "Nothing's new."

These little conversations are so important for kids.  For adults, it makes you not want to call it a day, but a life.

The two boys were standing up in class during the advanced building blocks period.  Lunch had just ended and both of them still had apple juice in their right hand.  The left hand was in their pocket and they were debating.  You fast forward twenty-five years and these same people (they graduated from kids to people) have the same stance, yet a beer or glass of wine and debates about politics replace the apple juice and debate about which Star Wars movie is best.

The main difference between those kids and the graduated people are - those kids really believe which movie they think is best and think it affects their lives tremendously.  The adults may believe in which side of the fence they’re debating for, but the next day when the drink washes away, they aren't thinking about the debate at all.  The kids aren’t either.  They’re just watching their favorite version of that movie.

The two kids grew up and there were no more Star Wars debates and they struggled to create conversation with one another.  So, they invented alcohol.

That's the true story of how alcohol was invented.  Show me someone telling you a different version and I'll show you a liar who most likely stole your apple juice in kindergarten.  He's the same person that liked the version of Star Wars you still hate.  And that's why you drink.

At a certain point in life you go from having friends over to having company over.  Personally, I would like to have friends over and avoid having company over as long as possible.  Either way - cheers.