2/14/07
“Roses Are Pink, Your Feet Stink” – Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!...I know because of my always sophisticated blog you must think I wrote that Valentine’s Day poem…Well, I’ve also been know as quite a rhymer, a lyrical genius like fellow rapper Noreaga – “Open doors for ladies / never blaze when we see babies”…a great rhyme, and the best rhymes are metaphors for life as Noreaga just conveyed...quite a philosophy for life…I mean Noreaga may say bitch in his songs…but at least he’s nice enough to open doors for these bitches, or ladies…Noreaga also loves smoking reefer….however, he’s nice enough to never “blaze” when he sees babies…And this makes sense because when Rockin’ Rita, my moms, was strolling me down Maplewood when I was 1 years old, I recall a neighbor taking bong rips on the corner…and ever since I wanted to take a rip…Noreaga…look up the word "classy" in Webster (the little black kid’s dictionary) and you’ll see a picture of Noreaga, the rapper, not dictator…
…However, I can not take credit for the above Valentine written in rhyme…maybe I could have composed that in my prime and showed you the sign like Ace of the motherfooking Base…I apologize if you just vomited…The above – “Roses Are Pink, You Feet Stink” is actually a children’s book written by Diane de Groat…she’s phat…ok moving back towards sanity, I apparently read this story to kindergarteners today…I have to say…that I don’t have to say – that I have to say, but for the sake of writing fluently I will continue and you’ll follow along without hesitation……I have to say I had a blast reading this…it’s amazing how such a simple story can thrill these munchkins so much…Us adults…and by us adults I’m including myself because as you can tell by my usage of the word motherfooking above, while writing about children, I have grown into adulthood…US?...We adults???......we could learn lots from de children…Let us dissect the story “Roses Are Pink, Your Feet Stink”…
…Set in an elementary school classroom of Mrs. Byrd (played by a bird), it is Valentine’s Day and time to make cards for classmates…Gilbert (played by a porcupine) scripted really corny (slang for creative?) poems for his classmates; however, chose to write two not so nice poems to his mates Margaret (played by a raccoon), who made fun of Gilbert’s glasses, and Lewis (played by a mouse), who “tweaked” Gilbert’s nose…Gilbert sought revenge, a key tool all garteners of the kind should learn…I think that’s the moral of the story…Gilbert wrote on Lewis’ card, “Violets are blue, roses are pink, your feet are big, and they really stink”…He wrote to Margaret (as I told you before is played by a raccoon, but is a “fox”)…to her wrote, “Roses are red, you wet your bed, I think you have rocks in your head”….Gilbert was killing with these jokes in room K106, but K107 thought Gilbert was sophomoric; they needed more sophisticated comedy…so I put down de book, stood up, took out my pocket microphone, and proceeded to do standup in front of the kindergarteners for a half hour…they loved it and I dropped the Mic and told them I’ll see them at the Improv this weekend…here’s some of what I presented…don’t worry…I was still teaching…in MY way…OK!?:
…-“So…have any of you kindergarteners heard of Noreaga?...(Noooo!!!)…Hey, stop yelling!!!...Noreaga is a rapper, a rhymer, he talks in rhymes, he spits fire…(He’s a dragon???)…NO!...No dragon!...Take out your notebooks, you’ve got something to learn…your teachers have been lying to you like a president might…they’ve told you there is no such thing as a stupid question…asking if Noreaga is a dragon is the epitome of stupidity…Noreaga is a lyrical genius, the modern day Bob Dylan…sorry Bobby D, I know you still exist, but Noreaga is the modern day you……So, first in your notebooks write down that teachers lie to you…then as example “A” write that there are sometimes stupid questions despite what Miss Lowboobs (in 3rd grade this was my teacher) claims…and as example “B” write down Bullshit…that’s what “B” stands for anyways because assuming there is always a “B” is bullshit…I know, I know…it can smell like Horse manure too, they have like fecal odor…
…back to Noreaga…he teaches all of you two very important philosophies, ways of life, if you will…(If we will what???)…If you will stop interrupting!!!...Next in your notebooks write:
Noreaga’s Teachings
A) Open doors for ladies, or also known as bitches because since Dave Chappelle said bitch everyone thinks they’re hilarious if they say it…
B) Never blaze when we see babies…
…now…kindergarteners…when you grow up you will probably dabble with reefer…so tomorrow in art class we’ll learn the art of rolling tight blunts…I learned this in high school, printing directions from the Internets…no, not that one…the other one…if they aren’t tight enough you can forget about kicking it with Noreaga…and remember…don’t spark in front of babies…class dismissed…
“Roses Are Pink, Your Feet Stink” – Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!...I know because of my always sophisticated blog you must think I wrote that Valentine’s Day poem…Well, I’ve also been know as quite a rhymer, a lyrical genius like fellow rapper Noreaga – “Open doors for ladies / never blaze when we see babies”…a great rhyme, and the best rhymes are metaphors for life as Noreaga just conveyed...quite a philosophy for life…I mean Noreaga may say bitch in his songs…but at least he’s nice enough to open doors for these bitches, or ladies…Noreaga also loves smoking reefer….however, he’s nice enough to never “blaze” when he sees babies…And this makes sense because when Rockin’ Rita, my moms, was strolling me down Maplewood when I was 1 years old, I recall a neighbor taking bong rips on the corner…and ever since I wanted to take a rip…Noreaga…look up the word "classy" in Webster (the little black kid’s dictionary) and you’ll see a picture of Noreaga, the rapper, not dictator…
…However, I can not take credit for the above Valentine written in rhyme…maybe I could have composed that in my prime and showed you the sign like Ace of the motherfooking Base…I apologize if you just vomited…The above – “Roses Are Pink, You Feet Stink” is actually a children’s book written by Diane de Groat…she’s phat…ok moving back towards sanity, I apparently read this story to kindergarteners today…I have to say…that I don’t have to say – that I have to say, but for the sake of writing fluently I will continue and you’ll follow along without hesitation……I have to say I had a blast reading this…it’s amazing how such a simple story can thrill these munchkins so much…Us adults…and by us adults I’m including myself because as you can tell by my usage of the word motherfooking above, while writing about children, I have grown into adulthood…US?...We adults???......we could learn lots from de children…Let us dissect the story “Roses Are Pink, Your Feet Stink”…
…Set in an elementary school classroom of Mrs. Byrd (played by a bird), it is Valentine’s Day and time to make cards for classmates…Gilbert (played by a porcupine) scripted really corny (slang for creative?) poems for his classmates; however, chose to write two not so nice poems to his mates Margaret (played by a raccoon), who made fun of Gilbert’s glasses, and Lewis (played by a mouse), who “tweaked” Gilbert’s nose…Gilbert sought revenge, a key tool all garteners of the kind should learn…I think that’s the moral of the story…Gilbert wrote on Lewis’ card, “Violets are blue, roses are pink, your feet are big, and they really stink”…He wrote to Margaret (as I told you before is played by a raccoon, but is a “fox”)…to her wrote, “Roses are red, you wet your bed, I think you have rocks in your head”….Gilbert was killing with these jokes in room K106, but K107 thought Gilbert was sophomoric; they needed more sophisticated comedy…so I put down de book, stood up, took out my pocket microphone, and proceeded to do standup in front of the kindergarteners for a half hour…they loved it and I dropped the Mic and told them I’ll see them at the Improv this weekend…here’s some of what I presented…don’t worry…I was still teaching…in MY way…OK!?:
…-“So…have any of you kindergarteners heard of Noreaga?...(Noooo!!!)…Hey, stop yelling!!!...Noreaga is a rapper, a rhymer, he talks in rhymes, he spits fire…(He’s a dragon???)…NO!...No dragon!...Take out your notebooks, you’ve got something to learn…your teachers have been lying to you like a president might…they’ve told you there is no such thing as a stupid question…asking if Noreaga is a dragon is the epitome of stupidity…Noreaga is a lyrical genius, the modern day Bob Dylan…sorry Bobby D, I know you still exist, but Noreaga is the modern day you……So, first in your notebooks write down that teachers lie to you…then as example “A” write that there are sometimes stupid questions despite what Miss Lowboobs (in 3rd grade this was my teacher) claims…and as example “B” write down Bullshit…that’s what “B” stands for anyways because assuming there is always a “B” is bullshit…I know, I know…it can smell like Horse manure too, they have like fecal odor…
…back to Noreaga…he teaches all of you two very important philosophies, ways of life, if you will…(If we will what???)…If you will stop interrupting!!!...Next in your notebooks write:
Noreaga’s Teachings
A) Open doors for ladies, or also known as bitches because since Dave Chappelle said bitch everyone thinks they’re hilarious if they say it…
B) Never blaze when we see babies…
…now…kindergarteners…when you grow up you will probably dabble with reefer…so tomorrow in art class we’ll learn the art of rolling tight blunts…I learned this in high school, printing directions from the Internets…no, not that one…the other one…if they aren’t tight enough you can forget about kicking it with Noreaga…and remember…don’t spark in front of babies…class dismissed…
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